Day 6 DV AWARENESS: 'Look deep before you leap'

Day 6: DV Awareness  "Look deep before you leap." -Mablean Ephriam

Giving your heart, mind and body to someone you do not know is like handing over the keys to your home to a stranger while you go on vacation. #DVAwareness #datingadvice #datingtips #love #relationships #relationshipquotes #endDVnow

Judge Mablean Ephriam, when presiding over the Divorce Court TV show back in the day, would always tell the couples to "look deep before you leap." 

It was a warning to the couples to be mindful of getting to know someone before making a commitment. The most recent judge on the show, Lynn Toler, often admonishes the women to take their time and watch the men who show interest before delivering their hearts and bodies on a silver platter. 

Let me be clear, I don't believe this is a woman problem. 

I said that to just say, the advice from the judges should apply to everyone. 

For example...I have witnessed men and women slander their exes, the mothers and fathers of their children, or even their current interest, and when asked probing questions about whether they knew enough about the people BEFOREHAND... I hear things like, "Well you can't help who you fall in love with...." My response is: "WTH? I will be darned if you can't!"

Like it has seriously never made sense to me. I have flipped, spliced, twisted and turned that saying around and around and I still don't get it. 

It has blown my mind how eager people are to catch feelings or fall in love with someone that they've known for less time than it takes to get approved for a home loan. 

Yes, I believe in love and romance and infatuation and feelings and all of that. But I also believe in slowing down to get to know the character of a person before you make any kind of deep connections with him. 

I also believe in not being quick to give passes on past poor behavior or decisions. Look...the number one predictor of future behavior is past and present behavior. People change, but they definitely don't change over night. That's why you need to get to know them long enough to see if their words effortlessly align with their beliefs and actions. 

People can tell you anything, but you have to be wise enough to examine for yourself... And no, I don't mean snooping, stalking and acting BSC (bat---crazy). I mean learning about the person like you would a friend. 

You know, there are people whom you have different levels of friendship with, and usually the level is based on what you know of that friend's character. You have the ones you're cool with hanging out with, but you wouldn't trust with your secrets. There are those who you can invite into your home, but wouldn't leave them there alone. ('Cause you don't know them LIKE THAT.) Then there are the ones you can count on to have a spare key and put down as an emergency contact. 

You know who is who, and what is what because you have spent enough time with them, watched how they move, examined their motives, learned how they operate with other people, and built a bond with them over time. 

I get it...sometimes the pull of attraction to the opposite sex can be so strong that  you forget that you don't know him/her "like that." All the more reason to slotw down, otherwise you may get caught out there with something or someone you don't want. 

Let me give you a light side example... The other day, I was in Walmart picking up snacks...and I saw these red velvet cupcakes by Lil Debbie. I had never tried them before, but I knew I loved red velvet...and I like some of the other snacks Lil Debbie had to offer, but after some experiences with others, I knew Lil Debbie could make a bad snack too. But, I took the risk and bought the red velvet. Those things were nasty! But too late...Walmart already had my money and I couldn't get it back now. LOL

All I lost with taking a risk with those Lil Debbie snacks was 1.79. Taking major risks with someone you don't know could cost you much more for a much longer time. 

Granted, with any new situation, some risk is involved, but wouldn't it be wise to take more calculated risks? Let someone show and prove parts of their character before you jump feet first in love. It may sound fun to have a whirlwind romance, but what will be left after the honeymoon period is over and you finally see who you've been on the trip with?